275+ Memorable Buford T. Justice Quotes from Smokey and the Bandit

Buford T. Justice, the legendary, no-nonsense sheriff from Smokey and the Bandit, remains one of the most iconic characters in cinematic history. Played by the incomparable Jackie Gleason, Buford’s sharp tongue, relentless pursuit of the Bandit, and unforgettable one-liners made him a fan favorite.

His Southern wit, fiery temper, and unfiltered humor cemented his place as one of the greatest comedic lawmen to ever grace the big screen. In this collection, we’ve gathered 275+ of the most memorable Buford T. Justice quotes that still bring laughter today.

Classic Buford T. Justice One-Liners

• “There’s no way, no way that you came from my loins.” — Buford T. Justice
• “What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law!” — Buford T. Justice
• “This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Texas, and I am in hot pursuit!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You scum bum!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna barbecue your behind in molasses!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Hold it, I’m gonna put that in the report.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker!” — Buford T. Justice
• “That’s an attention-getter!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You sound taller on the radio.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Prepare to meet your maker, son!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You can think about it, but don’t do it!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Get that thing outta my face before I knock it outta shape.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna get that Bandit if it’s the last thing I ever do!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Do what I say, you pile of monkey nuts!” — Buford T. Justice
• “There ain’t no way you could come from my loins.” — Buford T. Justice
• “When I get home, I’m gonna slap your momma.” — Buford T. Justice
• “That’s just great. That is just freaking great.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna get that Bandit if it’s the last thing I ever do!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Shut your trap, boy, before I put my foot in it.” — Buford T. Justice
• “A legend don’t die just ‘cause we got shot up a little.” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Insults and Threats

• “Junior, there is no way, NO WAY, that you came from my loins.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna punch your lights out!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You sorry sack of goose crap!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I oughta rip out your gizzard!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You tick turd!” — Buford T. Justice
• “That boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t find your butt with both hands!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be out of style.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You mess with the bull, you get the horns!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ll make you wish you were never born!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, you are gonna be walking home naked.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You are foolish than a bucket of rocks.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Get your worthless carcass in that car, Junior!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re about as useless as a screen door on a submarine.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna kick your ass clear into next Tuesday!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Why don’t you shut up before I go off like a Roman candle?” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, you just opened up a can of whoop-ass.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’d slap the taste out of your mouth if I wasn’t so damn tired.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Son, you are a special kind of foolish.” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Most Famous Pursuit Quotes

• “I am in hot pursuit!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Hold it right there, you sumbitch!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I got the Bandit dead in my sights!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You can run, but you can’t hide.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, I’m gonna chase you all the way to the graveyard!” — Buford T. Justice
• “There is no escape from Sheriff Buford T. Justice!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If it takes me all night, I’m getting you!” — Buford T. Justice
• “This is personal now!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Your ass is mine, Bandit!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You are surrounded, you hear me? S-U-R-R-O-U-N-D-E-D!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I got a special cell just waiting for you, Bandit!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, don’t just stand there like an idiot. Get in the car!” — Buford T. Justice
• “It’s over, Bandit! I gotcha!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Nobody outruns the long arm of the law.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, remind me to beat you senseless later.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You are in so much trouble, mister!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Reckon I’ll just have to teach you a lesson myself.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, you are an accident looking for a place to happen.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Get your lazy behind in that car, and let’s move!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I ain’t never lost a chase in my life, and I sure as hell ain’t starting now!” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Funniest Father-Son Moments

• “Junior, when I get home, the first thing I’m gonna do is punch your mama in the mouth.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, remind me to smack you when we get home.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, I’m gonna go home and smack your momma, ‘cause there ain’t no way you came from my loins.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, why didn’t you stop that car?” — Buford T. Justice
• “Don’t you EVER embarrass me in public like that again!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Put the evidence in the car, Junior! The EVIDENCE!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, you are an accident waiting to happen.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, I want you to always remember something: There’s a right way, a wrong way, and my way.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You know what you are, Junior? You’re a mental has short stature in a physical giant’s body.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, I got a feeling when you were born, they swapped you at the hospital.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, if brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I should have left you in the basket on the church steps.” — Buford T. Justice
• “If stupidity was an Olympic sport, you’d take home the gold.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I don’t know what to do with you, Junior, I really don’t.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, next time, engage your brain before you open your mouth.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t find your way out of a wet paper bag with a map.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I swear, if I wasn’t your father, I’d arrest you for being foolish.” — Buford T. Justice
• “The problem with you, Junior, is that your brain’s smaller than your hat size.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Lord help me, I raised an idiot.” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Best Southern Slang & Sayings

• “You sumbitch!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re as foolish as a bag of hammers.” — Buford T. Justice
• “That boy’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ll tell you what, son, you’re about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, you’re foolish than a three-legged mule in a horse race.” — Buford T. Justice
• “If brains were gasoline, you wouldn’t have enough to power a flea’s motorcycle.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ll knock you into next week!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You keep talking like that, and I’ll slap you so hard you’ll be looking out the back of your head.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ll tan your hide and hang it on my wall!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, you got a mouth on you like a gator with an attitude.” — Buford T. Justice
• “If you were any slower, you’d be going backwards.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ll be on you like ugly on an ape!” — Buford T. Justice
• “That Bandit’s slicker than a greased pig at the county fair.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna stomp a mudhole in you and walk it dry.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re as worthless as a screen door on a submarine.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Junior, you look like ten miles of bad road.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Boy, you are slower than molasses in January.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ve had enough of this nonsense, and I’m fixing to fix it.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a handful of rice.” — Buford T. Justice
• “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Angry Outbursts

• “What in the hell is the world coming to?” — Buford T. Justice
• “You got a lot of nerve, you know that? A LOT of nerve!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I am losing my patience, and you do NOT want to see me lose my patience!” — Buford T. Justice
• “That’s it! I have had it up to HERE with you!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You listen here, Bandit! I’m gonna catch you if it’s the last thing I do!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Somebody better explain to me what in tarnation is going on!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You ain’t gonna like what happens next, son.” — Buford T. Justice
• “That’s it, I am officially MAD!” — Buford T. Justice
• “When I find you, I’m gonna skin you alive!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You have pushed me to my breaking point!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You think this is funny? Well, let me tell you, it ain’t!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I am the law, and I’m about to lay it down!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Somebody’s about to get a good old-fashioned whoopin’!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You think you’re slick, don’t ya? Well, you ain’t slick enough!” — Buford T. Justice
• “This is a disaster. A COMPLETE disaster!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Y’all are foolish than a box of rocks!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If you don’t move, I’m gonna make you move!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Do you have ANY idea who you’re messing with?!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Somebody better start talking, or I’m gonna start swinging!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I have had just about enough of this foolishness!” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Best One-Liners in Pursuit

• “What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law!” — Buford T. Justice
• “That sumbitch is not getting away from me this time!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You can run, but you can’t hide, boy!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna barbecue your behind in molasses!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I got the pedal to the metal and the thing to the floor!” — Buford T. Justice
• “This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice, and I am in hot pursuit!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, or what you’re doing—you’re going to jail!” — Buford T. Justice
• “That Bandit is slicker than a greased weasel!” — Buford T. Justice
• “This ain’t over till I say it’s over!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If you think you’re getting away, son, you got another thing coming!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m gonna be all over you like white on rice!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ve got a good mind to lock up everyone in this town just for looking at me wrong!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’m in high-speed pursuit of a reckless lawbreaker, and I ain’t stopping till I catch him!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You just made the worst mistake of your life, boy!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I don’t get mad—I get even!” — Buford T. Justice
• “This road ain’t big enough for the both of us!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I swear on my badge, you won’t see the outside of a cell for a long, long time!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I am the long arm of the law, and I am reaching for YOU!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Every second you run just makes me madder, boy!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re about to have yourself a real bad day, Bandit!” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Most Outrageous Insults

• “You scum-sucking road hog!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You are a disgrace to law enforcement everywhere!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I oughta knock you so hard your ancestors feel it!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You are foolish than a stump in a swamp!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t catch a cold in the middle of a snowstorm!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You look like you lost a fight with a tornado!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If I had a dollar for every foolish thing you did, I’d be richer than the president!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re the reason we have warning labels on shampoo bottles.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t find water if you fell out of a boat!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Your brain’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You got a face only a mother could love, and even she ain’t too sure!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ve met squirrels with better judgment than you!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.” — Buford T. Justice
• “If foolish was dirt, you’d be about five acres of farmland!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Your brain’s runnin’ about as fast as a one-legged chicken.” — Buford T. Justice
• “You couldn’t outthink a busted toaster!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I’ve had steaks that were smarter than you!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re more confused than a cow on Astroturf.” — Buford T. Justice
• “If I had a nickel for every bad decision you made, I’d own this whole county!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You’re as sharp as a bowling ball!” — Buford T. Justice

Buford’s Most Iconic Police Sayings

• “I am the law, and I say what goes!” — Buford T. Justice
• “A good lawman never backs down!” — Buford T. Justice
• “There ain’t a crook alive I can’t catch!” — Buford T. Justice
• “You mess with the law, you mess with me!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Justice always prevails, especially when my name is in it!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I don’t need backup, I AM the backup!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If you break the law, I’ll break you!” — Buford T. Justice
• “There’s two types of people in this world: those who follow the law, and those I put behind bars!” — Buford T. Justice
• “Crime don’t pay, but catching criminals sure does!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If it’s illegal, it’s personal!” — Buford T. Justice
• “They don’t call me ‘Justice’ for nothin’!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I don’t take kindly to lawbreakers in my town!” — Buford T. Justice
• “If you do the crime, you better believe I’ll make you do the time!” — Buford T. Justice
• “A lawman’s got to do what a lawman’s got to do!” — Buford T. Justice
• “The badge on my chest ain’t just for decoration, son.” — Buford T. Justice
• “I eat criminals for breakfast and chase ‘em for dessert!” — Buford T. Justice
• “My jurisdiction don’t end where I say it don’t end!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I got a nose for crime, and it’s leading me straight to you!” — Buford T. Justice
• “I don’t run from a fight, and I sure as hell don’t run from the law!” — Buford T. Justice
• “There’s only one lawman in town, and you’re lookin’ at him!” — Buford T. Justice

Final Thoughts

Buford T. Justice is the epitome of an old-school, tough-as-nails lawman with a hilarious Southern twist. His sharp insults, relentless determination, and unforgettable one-liners continue to make him one of the most beloved characters in comedy history. 

Whether he’s scolding Junior, chasing Bandit, or proving his own brand of “Justice,” his lines are pure gold. Fans will always remember Sheriff Buford T. Justice as one of the funniest movie cops ever created! 🚓😆